Flow
Zsien stretched lazily, easing the sleep away from his body with a contended sigh. He was alone, but that was not so surprising; Noah had taken to the woods more often than not since Zsien had brought him back from Guinwara.
The young man had recovered, at least physically, from his captivity. How his mind had suffered was yet to determine. Zsien was hopeful, Noah had proven to be strong before, when you least expected it.
Zsien himself had never been in danger of lasting injuries, his magiced body healing within hours. Absently he ran a hand down his chest, fingers lingering at the naked spot below the last rib on the right side. He bared his teeth in a grimace and stifled an involuntary shudder. Best not think of that now.
Zsien got out of bed and looked more closely at the belongings scattered around the cabin. There was the knife Noah used when skinning, there was his bow and quiver. His boots were still there by the door but his breeches and shirt were missing.
Zsien frowned. He wouldn't have gone far barefoot, Noah was too familiar with the forest and her ways to do something so foolish. So where was he?
Noah had always been reserved around him but it seemed he'd made a habit of avoiding Zsien since their return home. Like he was ashamed or guilty. Zsien frowned. Both emotions were misguided. No, he rather thought it to be something else.
The young man had little or no experience in matters concerning the urges of the flesh, so what Noah had recently experienced was bound to have scared him. Was bound to have set him off further intimacies. Zsien was not happy with that, wishing he could go back and kill the offenders all over again, and more cruelly this time. No one touched what was his without his permission, or without paying for the trespass.
He couldn't be sure if Noah had seen what the journey had done to Zsien, the dark, sadistic mood that had come upon him. Noah had been hazy for a good part of the trip back, recovering from prolonged use of the Crimson drug, so if asked Zsien might be able to explain it all away on the deliriums. But Noah still avoided him, for whatever reason, kept away from the cabin during the daylight hours, slept on the small cot by the fire at night. It rankled, when Zsien had gone to such lengths to get him back safely.
Zsien stepped into his pants and tied them just tight enough to have them ride low on his hips, then added the hipcloth just for effect; the green went so well with his eyes.
The sun welcomed him when he stepped outside, although it was a bit too bright after the gloom of the cabin. He heard Seisin whinnying in her paddock just beyond the cabbage patch and headed her way. The white mare came trotting towards him and crowded near the fence, eager for a pat and a treat.
"There, girl," Zsien murmured, giving her what she wanted. At least she gave him her company willingly, freely. "Where is he, girl? Did you see?" he asked, but of course she didn't answer. Not quite.
Seisin pricked her ears and lifted her head, looking towards the trees behind the cabin. Zsien followed her gaze, expecting to see Noah coming back, but there was no one there. Zsien pursed his lips, the lake lay that way. It wouldn't hurt to go have a look, though, would it? He gave Seisin a last pat and padded barefoot into the trees.
The path was dappled with early sunlight, a few birds twittering in the trees, silencing momentarily when he passed, the small animals acknowledging a predator in their midst. Zsien grinned, bared his teeth, taking satisfaction in his continued dominance, even in this small corner of the land.
He heard the soft dripping of water, the occasional louder splash, and imagined Noah to be bathing. He grinned, thinking of the opportunities that presented, and stepped around the last tree.
But Noah wasn't bathing, or not what Zsien would call bathing anyway. The young man was standing in the shallows, a wet cloth in his hand and a faraway look on his face. It didn't seem he'd heard Zsien's approach. He was also completely naked, something Zsien hadn't seen since their escape from Guinwara. And this time he intended to enjoy it. It was only his due.
He stood a while longer, just looking, taking in the sight of Noah's sleek body, the muscles bracketing the spine and the curve of his butt, the length of his thighs. Zsien smiled; very nice. "So this is where you are."
Noah jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around, a look of panic flashing past in his eyes. Then he remembered he was naked and covered himself as best he could with the cloth. Zsien could see the indecision – to turn around and present his backside, or to stand there and face him, meeting Zsien's eyes and seeing in his gaze what Zsien wanted to do to his naked body. He settled for a wary half turn, hunching his shoulders around himself. "What are you doing here?"
Zsien grinned knowingly and came closer to the water's edge. "Oh, looking for you. I'd rather you not be taken away again. It'd be best to keep an eye on you, I thought."
Noah frowned, obviously not happy with this answer, or simply not believing it. "I can take care of myself."
"Ah, yes. I'm sure you can, mostly, but you've recently proven otherwise." Zsien said in annoyance. He'd had enough of the rejections.
"I've no intention of being taken again!" Noah replied hotly. "I'll keep my eyes about and I've no need of your help." He did turn his back now, but Zsien saw the glance he gave over his shoulder.
Zsien snorted. "I'll leave you alone when I've satisfied myself you do know what you're talking about."
Noah muttered something under his breath, something unfavorable, Zsien was quite sure. He stood glaring at Noah's turned back, waiting for the other to give in. But he wouldn't, Noah could be quite stubborn when he wanted to.
"So you call this bathing?"
Noah started and looked over his shoulder. "Yes." He sounded wary now.
Zsien laughed, short and harsh, still annoyed at the cold shoulder treatment. "You should be in to your neck to be bathing."
Noah shrugged. "I'm fine right here."
Zsien wondered but didn't ask. Instead he started untying his clothes, letting the hipcloth and then the pants slide down his legs.
Noah's eyes widened and he took a step further out before he could stop himself. "What… what are you doing?"
"Undressing, of course. I don't fancy getting my clothes wet." He carefully ignored the wide eyed gaze following his every move as he came closer and closer.
~*~
Noah thought he would jump out of his skin when Zsien first had made his presence known. He'd gotten over it in exchange for the wariness and exasperation Zsien usually inspired in him, but then he'd started undressing and it all came crashing over him in a confused jumble.
Noah stared over his shoulder, unable to look away for a number of reasons, none of them very comforting. Zsien was every inch a man, a man who took what he wanted on a daily basis, and what he didn't take he usually got with no more than a look and that infuriatingly arrogant smile of his.
Noah debated leaving, but that would look like cowardice and he was not a coward. And his clothes were too close to where Zsien stood shedding his.
Zsien looked like he knew just how he made Noah feel. He sauntered slowly into the lake, making ripples touch Noah's calves, his eyes on Noah even as he passed. Then he took a few running steps and threw himself into the deeper waters.
Noah flinched and stepped back as the splash sprayed water his way.
Zsien broke the surface much farther out than he'd started and Noah wondered what it felt like to be under water for so long, swimming through it. Maybe Zsien was part fish.
"Come out here, Noah," Zsien called back. "The water's quite nice. It'll do you good, sweeten that temper a bit." Zsien grinned at Noah's angry retort and dove under again.
He was gone much longer this time and Noah started to get anxious. He shifted a bit, craning his neck to see if Zsien had resurfaced closer to the other side of the lake. Maybe he had drowned, it would only serve him well, then he'd see who it was who needed to learn how to take care of himself.
He felt something slither around his left ankle and jerked away, taking a step back. He'd just looked down to see what creature had come near him, when Zsien shot out of the water much too fast and much too close. Noah started, jumping backwards and nearly falling on his backside.
Zsien laughed loudly, water running down his face and body, and making the red in his bangs look like blood down the side of his face. The marks on his body were gleaming in the sunlight. Noah stared for a moment before he remembered he should be feeling offended at the treatment.
"Why the sour face, Noah?" Zsien asked, his lips splitting in a smile that showed too many teeth.
"It's not funny when you ambush me like that!"
"No? I thought so." He leered and glanced down.
Noah realized he'd dropped the cloth and quickly grabbed it where it was floating in the water. He huffed indignantly and willed the blush on his face to go away.
"Join me for a swim, Noah," Zsien said, shifting closer.
"No, thank you." He turned sideways, keeping an eye on Zsien's too long arms. He edged a step away.
"Why not? The water is cooler further out, could be good for you."
"No."
Zsien made a grab for him and Noah jerked his arm away, nearly losing the cloth again. Zsien frowned. "Why not? Scared I'll paw you? I thought you could take care –"
"I can't swim!" he snapped before he could stop himself.
The look of surprise on Zsien's face was unexpected, and somehow pleasing, but the expression changed into something Noah wasn't as comfortable with. Determination. Zsien with a purpose was a scary thing.
Zsien slowly came closer again, his eyes on Noah the whole time, looking much too predatory for comfort. "Come, Noah. A little water shouldn't defeat you," Zsien murmured, leaning so close Noah could feel the heat of his breath against his cheek. "Come," he whispered.
Noah almost held his breath as he stared into Zsien's eyes, green with flecks of gold. There was a touch of fingertips to his arm and he shuddered.
"Come with me. I'll guide you."
Oh, it was tempting. But also very frightening.
Zsien took a step back, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes on Noah's. It was like a string had been attached between them; a frail, thin string of breath and will, but it drew Noah to follow Zsien, to stay within the aura of his presence.
Another step. And another. Zsien eased back into the water, Noah following in past his calves, to his knees. It lapped at his thighs now and he hesitated, his breath speeding up and his hands fisting.
"I'm here, Noah," Zsien murmured, his voice sounding like from afar but his breath as warm and alluring against his skin as before.
The muddy bottom sucked at Noah's toes and he shifted a bit, there was a touch of fingers to his hip and the hairs on his arms prickled. Another step and he thought the water would rise up and swallow him.
Zsien grabbed his shoulder, holding on firmly, and Noah gasped and jerked, almost stumbling into him.
"I can't –" he began to yell in panic.
"You can!" Zsien said with certainty, his hand now around the back of Noah's neck. The grip was warm, strong and unyielding. His hand was large, the fingers long and callused, not what you would have expected of a man doing none of the tasks around the cabin.
Noah had had Zsien's hands on him before, but never in such an intimate place, or such a situation. He didn't quite know what to make of it, but he couldn't walk away either. He began to shake his head, but the grip tightened for an instant.
"You can, Noah," Zsien murmured. His other hand slid down Noah's arm, gripped his wrist, removed the cloth from his trembling hand, and lifted it to his shoulder. "Here, hold on to me. I won't let you go, I promise."
There was no turning back, was there? Zsien took another step backwards and Noah's heart jumped, his whole balance teetering on the balls of his feet, his toes. "Please…" But there was no real strength behind it and Zsien chose to ignore him, leading him in deeper.
The water rose with each step, now lapping at his shoulders, his neck, the underside of his jaw. Noah felt the bottom slip away. He felt Zsien's other hand slide under his arm and around his back, pulling him closer to his body. Noah strained to keep a distance; he'd never been skin close to another man before, never this close and naked. Never willingly, or able to remember it.
But there was no helping it. When his feet could no longer touch the bottom he had no choice but to cling to the body before him. There was no dignity in it, but he had never expected it to be, just sheer desperation to stay alive.
Zsien held him firmly, keeping their eyes locked and Noah balanced on his chest. "Relax, Noah. Breathe. I won't let you drown." His voice was low, soothing.
Somewhere beneath the panic that tone of voice rankled. He'd never needed comforting, not since he'd left his father's home so many years ago. It made him dredge up some courage to unlock his frozen body and move. Zsien made a sound deep in his throat as Noah slid his other arm over his muscled shoulder, coming that much closer to him and still struggling not to feel all of him.
Zsien gave that annoying grin of his. "So prude."
Noah frowned. Made to push away with a retort, but thought better of it. "Make nothing of it. If I had ground under my feet I would leave you here."
Zsien laughed and it made his body, and Noah with it, bob unpleasantly in the water. Noah just knew he was about to drown and squeezed his eyes shut, praying it would be quick and painless. But he didn't. It was as if Zsien was some sort of especially buoyant thing, keeping them both above the surface with ease.
A thumb rubbed up and down his shoulder and Noah opened his eyes again.
"Fancy a swim around the lake?" Zsien asked, that smile still on his lips. "I dare say you'll like it."
Noah had very little choice and no influence. When Zsien rolled an arm back, pulling a stroke and letting them drift along for a few feet, he felt the water start to flow around his body. It was like fingers tugging at him, cold and insistent. Zsien's other hand was still wrapped around Noah's neck, but gentler now, encouraging almost.
"See, it's not so bad, is it?" Zsien asked. Noah shook his head but didn't dare let go. He kept his mouth firmly shut lest he swallow any of the water. He jerked when a ripple came too close to his chin.
Zsien turned them slowly, going parallel to the shore now. His hair was like silver flowing in the water, the red in it darker, like plum wine. Noah looked up for a moment and Zsien's eyes were shifting between green and a dark blue.
"Relax," Zsien murmured, making another stroke. His fingers slid slowly down Noah's neck, down his back, to stop just below his ribs. "You're floating by yourself. Just keep breathing like this and you won't drown."
"I'd rather I'd not drown so I can keep breathing." He carefully ignored how shrill his voice sounded.
Zsien only smiled, but there was something in his eyes…
Another stroke and he let them float there for a while. He slid both his hands up along Noah's sides, making him shiver despite himself. Zsien followed Noah's arms with his hands until he found the wrists.
"You can ease up a bit. No need to cling so desperately."
"I'm not." But he was and there was no way to pretend otherwise. At Zsien's continued urging he loosened slightly on his grip, feeling a space open up between their bodies. Water rushed in to fill it and suddenly he realized how warm Zsien's body was, how reassuring it had been to have it so close.
Zsien made Noah grasp his shoulders, strands of hair getting caught in his fingers. He put one of his own hands at Noah's waist, supporting him as he rolled the other arm back again. Noah felt the surge of water, the torrents from Zsien's feet hitting his own and falling away.
It must be magic, Noah thought. How the water could behave this way for Zsien, taking him and lifting him up and letting him do what he wanted with it. He must have some sort of power over it to bring Noah so far out and not have him sink.
Noah pulled a shuddering breath. Maybe, if Zsien did have power over it, Noah dared try. Maybe, since Zsien had promised not to let him drown, he could find the courage to let go. Just for a moment?
A fingertip, a finger. He loosened one after another, and soon only his right hand was still on Zsien's shoulder. The other hovered just a breath away, but he'd done it.
Zsien murmured encouragement and took another slow stroke. His hips rolled up with it and Noah's eyes widened when he felt them against his own. He gasped and pulled a mouthful of water into his lungs.
Zsien caught him, held him like a child under the arms as he coughed and sputtered. So embarrassing. He couldn't meet Zsien's eyes when he had his breath back; he just knew the bastard would be smiling.
But the man said nothing. Just placed Noah's hands back around his neck and waited.
Noah glanced up at his face, expecting to hear some arrogant comment about the size of his endowments. But still he said nothing. Noah was utterly and thoroughly confused.
Zsien waited for a moment longer, then rolled both his arms back this time. The stroke was much stronger than the previous ones and Noah had to hold on. He felt the water pulling on him, like it no longer wanted him to stay. But Zsien was there below him, holding him up.
"It's easier if you make your own strokes," Zsien said, as if he could read Noah's mind. "Let go."
Noah did the opposite, he clung on even harder. "No…" he breathed. He just couldn't.
Zsien slowed again. "Let go, Noah. You're floating." He put a hand to Noah's waist again. "I'll hold you up. Let go."
Noah was shaking. From cold and fear alike. But the hand on his skin was warm. With breath gusting in and out between his teeth he loosened one cramping hand. Zsien murmured to him, stroking his flank and moving his body closer in the water.
"Goddess!" Noah breathed, half beseeching, half panicked.
"No, Noah. It's just you and me here," Zsien murmured, his voice low and his eyes dark. "Trust me."
Trust. The pivotal, fundamental request. But what to trust him with? His life? He most certainly did that. Had, in weeks past. If he hadn't, the marks on his body would be so much worse and he wouldn't have his freedom. Trust him not to let go? He might; Zsien had promised not to. He could trust that too.
He was floating. Granted, with Zsien's body touching his from chest to hips, but he was not holding on. He flushed, he could feel parts of Zsien he didn't want to feel so very clearly. Zsien grinned but made no other comment.
"Now, move your arms. Forward."
Noah tried but it felt like his head would dip under and he flailed. Zsien caught him with both hands, holding him up.
"Calmly. Just below the surface, like so." He guided Noah's arm forward. "Then pull it back."
It was hard, doing that, then with both arms, and keeping his head up at the same time. He felt his back and neck straining. Zsien held one hand against his sternum now, pulling himself backwards in the water with the other. Fingertips touched Noah's nipple and he twitched, faltered and Zsien was there again.
"You're doing it, Noah. Keep up with me now."
Noah blinked; there were no hands on him, just Zsien's presence below him and his intense gaze, keeping him afloat. But he was not as graceful or as confident as Zsien and he gasped in fright as the surface rippled up over his mouth. Zsien's hand was back in an instant, guiding him, urging him on. Noah dared try again.
Surely it was magic. Noah had never thought he'd swim. Granted, it was with Zsien's help but he was doing it and that's what mattered. He didn't dare look away from the surface or Zsien's face in case there was another swell of water just waiting to choke him.
Time seemed to pass them by but not affect them. Noah had no idea how long they swam, how long Zsien showed such uncharacteristic patience. But the cold water was finally getting to him and Noah made noises about going back to shore. Zsien obliged, confusing Noah again with his behavior.
It was like benediction, having firm ground under his feet again. He gasped when it touched his toes, shivered when he could plant his feet and walk. It felt like his legs would give out, unsteady and weak, but they didn't and he stumbled a few more steps out of the lake.
It was only when the water reached no higher than his knees that he realized Zsien was still close behind him. He turned, wary and very aware of his nakedness. He covered himself with a hand, keeping the other ready to… What? Defend his virtue? Zsien cared not of such things. Then why this willingness to be solicitous?
Zsien stared at him, his eyes the most disconcerting color, somewhere between amber and green, flecks of blue swirling in there. Noah had never seen the mix before, like Zsien was indecisive, uncertain. But no, such silly emotions were beyond him, or rather he was beyond them. Nothing could affect Zsien d'Ethai unless he allowed it to.
Noah opened his mouth to say something, thank him for his help, maybe, but didn't get the chance. It was like Zsien had just waited for the moment, laying in wait like the predator he was.
His hand moved faster than Noah could perceive, grabbing him around the neck again, so familiar yet so alarming. Zsien crushed his mouth to Noah's and suddenly Noah didn't know what was up or down. He whimpered under the lips and tongue tormenting him, and finally found his wits and tried to push Zsien away.
"What do you want?" Noah cried, desperate, frightened because... Because. His body was shaking and Noah was sure Zsien could feel it.
"I want in, Noah," Zsien murmured in that voice that sent shivers down Noah's spine. "Is that so hard to understand?"
Noah stared, incredulous. Really, he should've known. What else could be on the man's mind but that?! He didn't know what to say, feeling like he'd been offended, humiliated, betrayed. All this just so Zsien could get him in his bed? Have him? Noah shivered, bile rising in his throat.
Zsien let him go as suddenly as he'd grabbed him. His brow was drawn down, his mouth a grim line. "What they did, I'd erase it from your mind, free you from them."
Noah stared, gaping. "What...?"
But Zsien said no more. He walked past Noah, grabbing his clothes and putting them on with jerky movements. Another uncharacteristic action; Zsien was never ungraceful. He looked at Noah over a shoulder. "You know where to find me, when you're ready."
And then he left. Noah stared, stunned. Zsien left. Walked away from something he obviously wanted, had intended to take for himself.
So what had stopped him? Noah bit his lip, thinking back on the last few minutes. He'd been scared of what might happen, memories of not so friendly hands and harsher treatments resurfacing at Zsien's kiss. He thought it might well have shown on his face. But since when did Zsien care of the feelings of another?
He wasn't sure he'd ever make head or tails of this day. Too much had happened that made no sense. He'd need time to think things through.
He waded up to where his clothes lay, sitting down on the bundle of his tunic. The sun warmed his wet skin and he tilted his face up to it. Behind his closed lids the light wasn't so harsh; the Goddess was gentle with her beings. She'd guide him true.
~*~
Zsien stood silently at the edge of the trees, watching Noah as he sat down. He knew the young man was confused, scared. Maybe he'd come on too strongly, but after having him so near, the thought of losing him had been like a jolt of pain through his body. The knowledge that it had been a very real possibility had kept him back when he'd rather pushed.
And then the look on Noah's face, that was what had brought him back to his senses, brought home the knowledge that Noah was not like the others Zsien had wooed. He didn't welcome it, want it. But Zsien knew Noah needed it like all those before him never had. Perhaps in ways Zsien, or even Noah himself, didn't understand.
But he could wait. He could be patient. It would be worth it.
~*~
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